Mr. Importantness' Blog

Is it safe to Blog again?

2010-08-11T19:59:00.002-03:00

Gosh I hope so.

Who couldn't use a Magical Monkey T-Shirt?

2008-06-26T10:54:00.001-03:00

Astound your friends and befuddle the fashionistas!

Who's a GOOD BOY?

2008-05-22T16:19:00.002-03:00

WOODY IS! Oh yesh he izz.YESHEIS!HE'S A GOOD BOY!

Joetta's new Harpsicord

2008-05-20T14:40:00.002-03:00

She can't play it very well, but the Versailles Room seemed empty without one.

I'm a big fuckin' star's...

2008-05-10T00:37:00.002-03:00

...RELATION!

My Lady & the green fairy

2008-05-06T03:26:00.004-03:00

Joetta's secret to youth and vitality... near lethal doses of toxic Thujone!

Why is the TV so loud?

2008-03-27T13:40:00.001-03:00

I've decided to share my valuable thoughts!

2008-02-01T02:51:00.000-03:00

Recent reviews by William K.

What's this?

I'm a hipster now!

2008-01-31T13:07:00.000-03:00

Vote for my shirt and I could win enough money to buy a new knit beany, wallet chain or dozens of other neat prizes!

Who's next?

2007-12-17T12:28:00.000-03:00

Is it you?

Tis better to give than receive I always say...

2007-12-05T15:12:00.000-03:00

... to others.

So buy this for me and feel swell!

Dern Tootin'

2007-10-08T17:58:00.001-03:00

I'm finally feelin' bloggy again.

NEW RACECAR SHAPED PORT-O-POTTIES!

2007-07-12T19:11:00.000-03:00

"It makes going tinkle funner!" ,says J. King of Chicago. IL

This begs the question:

2007-07-10T00:42:00.000-03:00

Could God make a stack of bricks so big that even he could not split in half?

Spring cleaning at the King house

2007-03-23T12:06:00.000-03:00

Time to release "Scrubbing Bubbles" from his winter chains.

Found one of my old test papers from college.

2007-02-22T16:04:00.000-03:00

I later changed my major to fine arts.

Local boy blessed with huge fat stores!

2007-02-05T13:37:00.000-03:00

They're doing an article on me in my hometown paper "The Dunwoody Crier." They asked if I had any pictures from my high school days. Here's what they got.

Ruhipnol!

2007-01-26T13:22:00.000-03:00

It Works!

Merry Christmas baby!

2006-12-19T14:17:00.000-03:00

Now quit struggling!

Gutsy No-Holds-Barred Journalism

2006-10-05T11:33:00.000-03:00

Roll up your sleaves and get the "real" story... from ace investigative reporter JOETTA KING!

Seems I'm a bit of a beatnik.

2006-08-25T00:12:00.000-03:00

Or so it has been reported in The Chicago Tribune!

He's back!

2006-08-11T11:09:00.000-03:00

Today heralds the return of the blogoshere's most beloved character "FATDRUNKENCUPID." Enjoy.

I'm back and i'm bad!

2006-07-25T02:36:00.000-03:00

poop.

Good taste is a result of nature not nurture...

2006-05-19T23:25:00.000-03:00

... or so I've been raised to believe.

When the hell is Memorial day going to get here?

2006-05-04T01:08:00.000-03:00

I've got alot of white to wear!

I've got BALLS!

2006-03-18T19:52:00.000-03:00

And they're the size of baseballs... and I've got five of them... and they've been handled and scribbled on by great men!

Eat the black emptiness that fills the space where your heart should be Fat Drunken Cupid!

My wife... I think I'll keep her.

2006-03-14T02:23:00.000-03:00

Though her "Hootered" past is keeping me out of the better county clubs.

What's that rising from the ashes? Some sort of phoenix shaped object?

2006-03-02T17:35:00.000-03:00

I was forced to take refuge in my fortress of solitude until my important work was completed. Your patience is appreciated.

My new favorite term...Muffin Top!

2006-01-25T01:46:00.000-03:00

It refers to the image achieved with equal measuments of belly shirt and tight low-rise pants. I suppose it could also refer to rugged outdoorsy gentlemen whose lives are so full as to prohibit the occasional workout.

Perhaps I overstated my injury.

2006-01-25T01:28:00.000-03:00

The previous image was merely meant to serve as an example of the pain that I might have endured if the injury had been a tad worse.

A slight setback at the Home Depot last saturday...

2006-01-24T01:56:00.000-03:00

I practically severed one of my favorite digits will cutting a bit of scrap wood. The handle of the saw broke, creating a nifty guilotine-like device. When I asked one of the helpful orange aproned helper-monkeys for a band-aid he grudgingly complied without looking up from his vitally important phone call. I stood and bled until a gruesome pool of blood gathered at the service desk then I bought a hotdog and left. Take that Home Depot!

I've retooled during my hiatus...

2006-01-24T01:27:00.000-03:00

Welcome Mr. Importantavos. He bravely wrestles with the toughest topics of the day!

My apologies for my lack in blogging...

2006-01-19T02:53:00.000-03:00

... I've been busy sitting for my yearly portrait.

When "manscaping" do as I do!

2006-01-04T03:39:00.000-03:00

Keep it simple and elegant!

This year I resolve to turn this Mother OUT!

2006-01-03T15:14:00.000-03:00

With more Biggie and less Jiggy!

Another Xmas goes by and I'm still without the one thing I could really use!

2005-12-31T16:24:00.000-03:00

Satellite radio is proving to be a poor substitute.

Just too darn busy to blog!

2005-12-14T10:50:00.000-03:00

But I'll be back after this week!

I'm really starting to miss summer...

2005-12-06T16:37:00.000-03:00

... and hanging out at the beach with the rest of the cool kids.

My plan for a stress-free holiday season:

2005-11-30T12:25:00.000-03:00

MURDER!

Congrats to FDC, Mrs. Importantness and the fambly...

2005-11-30T12:20:00.000-03:00

... on converting a twenty pound turkey into solid waste!

Looking for gift ideas for Sonny D?

2005-11-21T11:54:00.000-03:00

Look no further than The Sharper Image!

Set phasers on "Stunning!"

2005-11-16T13:51:00.000-03:00

Magic in a Minute as seen on cops!

2005-11-11T12:42:00.000-03:00

Finally, something that I produced made it on cops! I always thought it would be an offspring of some sort... but this will do!

How do you know when Eric Johnson has been in your neighborhood?

2005-11-11T12:37:00.000-03:00

The garbage cans are knocked over and the dog is pregnant!

LTD EDITION UPSIDE DOWN MAGIC KIT

2005-11-08T11:47:00.000-03:00

The handle of my new magic kit is on the bottom. Get yours at Barnes & Noble before the first 15000 are sold! After that the "uniquness" will be corrected.

Does anyone remember my old roomate Andy?

2005-11-01T12:08:00.000-03:00

He's learning how to play the piano!

It seems a shame to carve these beauties!

2005-10-30T18:48:00.000-03:00

"But carve them I must", says mother!

LOCAL MAN APPEARS AS EXTRA IN SYNDICATED COMIC STRIP

2005-10-27T17:09:00.000-03:00

HEY! Who's that snooty waiter?!?

Well, I'm off to Jeff Busch's baby shower this Saturday!

2005-10-26T13:06:00.000-03:00

Any ideas as to a gift would be greatly appreciated.

Here is what the voices in my head are bothering me with today.

2005-10-24T12:24:00.000-03:00

When photographed from this angle, does Sandy merely adjust her right eye with a finger so it looks at the camera, and if so does the photographer yell "STOP! Right there! Perfect! now don't move!" once it's aimed correctly. Or, Is it a special "leftward" looking eye purchased specifically for this shot, and what do you suppose something like that would cost...would she have to go in for a fitting accompanied by some art director and a marketing person from Colgate. What would be their initial responce upon first viewing her empty eyehole? Perhaps both eyes are airbrushed in. That seems the safest, but isn't that a bit unfair to Sandy? Man, this is good coffee!

Hey motherfucker! What time is it in Tokyo-izzle?

2005-10-21T10:21:00.000-03:00

www.itsablackthang.com

Sonny Dryesdale is dead! Long live Sonny Dryesdale!

2005-10-19T15:18:00.000-03:00

Taken from us much too soon.

Illuminati Meeting Last week!

2005-10-16T18:48:00.000-03:00

Three of the five most powerful men on the planet met last week for Illuminati-con, Pictured are Las Vegas Magician Mac King, Jeff Knurek (aka The new and improved Santa Claus), and Chicago area gadfly Bill King. Due to conflicting schedules, The Pope and Colonel Sanders were unable to attend the yearly event where decisions that effect the entire world are made. As in previous years the voting on such varied items as "who will rule what" and "what pandemic will be introduced to third worlders" was conducted by dropping pearls into a ornate chest crafted and gifted by the freemasons. A white pearl indicates a "yes" vote and a black pearl a "no." While the votes are held in private and their results are a closely hidden secret, sorces close to the participants have hinted towards a couple of possible decisions that could effect every living person. First, Canada will be colonized by spacemen for brain harvesting in the next decade. And second, Ascots and Monocles are back!